..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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