I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
