new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
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