So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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