it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
