so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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