Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
