I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
