if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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