do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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