did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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