I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
