I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
