Fine. I'll sleep in my office
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
