i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
