It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
