My nipple is on Facebook.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
he just fucked me for my cheese..
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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