does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
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