so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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