ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
