I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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