if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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