I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
