Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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