My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I need to wash the frat house off of me
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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