you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Acid is not a monday night drug
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
