I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
