dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
