If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
