if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
