she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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