You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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