end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Randomize
