Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
