I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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