I think my fart just growled at me.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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