Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Can I color on your dick again?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
