just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
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