ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
i think i just lost a toe
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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