good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
