Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
