Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
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