and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
