So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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