so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
