wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
