Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
