one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Randomize
