just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
