Ketchup is God's man juice
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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