You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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