the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
