i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
