just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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