it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
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