Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize