I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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