So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
