I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
