Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
