I wish I could punch you in the face.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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