Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
