I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
