party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
