You're completely useless in the revolution.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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