I need help removing her.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
