Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry callen15 hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(716): View more from New York

All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.

Fav 10 1206 2336
share tweet
(410): View more from Maryland

she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur

Fav 36 12331 1058
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(916): View more from California

i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...

Fav 50 8169 1209
share tweet
(678): View more from Georgia

I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.

Fav 18 2433 4374
share tweet
(412): View more from Pennsylvania

bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass

Fav 14 5189 1226
share tweet
(515): View more from Iowa

I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"

Fav 11 8057 1428
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(770): View more from Georgia

You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.

Fav 6 1743 2819
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(615): View more from Tennessee

...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT

Fav 4 1215 2249
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(347): View more from New York

Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem

Fav 1 569 390
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT